A few years back, before being advised to do the online CBT course, I found myself studying articles about whether or not keeping a diary was beneficial. Mostly it’s seen as a beneficial thing, but there’s concern among some that it could lengthen spells of depression and encourage negativity. If you are writing the same bad thoughts day after day, that could make it harder to overcome them and move to a more positive place.
Well, I wasn’t feeling too great, and I’m not sure what I would have done without the diary at all… it gave me something to do; a safety vent; a place to keep the better thoughts circling, because too often I would wake again in darkness. If I re-read bits, though, it was always with detached curiosity. After only a few hours I would have changed or forgotten, and already it as though I was reading someone else’s words. Whatever encouragement was there would shine all the brighter, and I would copy those bits to later days.
That said, I could see that writing the same time after time isn’t as healthy as sallying forth and finding something new to focus on — if you can. And if you can’t? What then?
The thought process I had at the time was that it was taking much longer than expected to heal — years instead of weeks — and so I should heed the warnings about negative journalling. I couldn’t quit it cold turkey, but could nudge it in a healthier direction. That would mean reducing ruminations to a minimum and talking more about other things.
If you’re in the habit of rambling on, it might be hard to break away and include the small stuff, so I created a diary template. It took the form of questions to answer every day, including mini-lists such as ‘five things I’m grateful for’. Creating the template was a beneficial exercise in itself, but, true to form, planning was more fun than follow-through…
Well, the template helped at first. I used it for several weeks, looking forward every day to filling it in. It was scary how important it was, like a colourful little raft in a sea of grey. After a while I realized some questions were pointless. “What five things am I grateful for? Family, friends, The Little Witness, Inspector Montalbano, sun.” Then the next day it would be the same, though I made the effort to mix it up a little. “Rain, liquorice tea, cream, coffee, chocolate.” You were discouraged by the banality. I cut the template down, deleting some questions and amalgamating others. Answers did not need to be so specific, and my focus could vary from day to day.
The next problem I noticed was that because I had banned myself from rambling and was just saying isolated things like “nobody came to the house today, though the nurse came yesterday” or “we watched Inspector Montalbano and a programme about lemurs, then something else with Lucy Worsley in it but I can’t remember the title”… anyway, because this was the new format of my diary, the natural arc of the day had been interrupted and I felt fragmented as a result. I suppose the aim was always to break the connection between myself and the emotional merry-go-round I was on, but now that I was succeeding, I didn’t like it! Whoo.
I decided to allow myself to ramble again — I would start with a ‘narrative’ (the normal daily diary entry) and follow it with a shortened template to fill in. That way I would have the best of both worlds. This was harder to do than expected, because it’s like writing two diary entries instead of one! In the end, I was writing the normal narrative while leaving the template blank every night, either because it had all already been said or I’d used up my time and energy.
So that was that.
I’m grateful the template helped as much as it did. Putting so much thought into my swing away from everything damaging and fruitless was enough in itself to encourage healthier habits. And though that part of my life was painful, I came out of it with a thicker shell.
I’m including my diary template here, in case others want to try — either for fun or because it might be useful.
Delilah’s Positive Energy Template
Start (if you prefer) with a free-flowing narrative, then fill in the following. Things to keep in your narrative: times, health notes, dreams, songs in head, conversations, weather as it progresses, visitors, progress of projects. Go for lightness, fun, detail, happy moments, plans, energy.
Average mood rating over the day:
Average energy rating over the day:
TV watched, with brief comments:
(1)
Books read, with brief comments:
(1)
What today did I enjoy the most, and why?
(1)
What today was the most draining?
(1)
Is there anything helpful to suggest about it?
(1)
Anything you think you learned today:
(1)
At least one positive thing to say about today:
(1)
At least one thing better about today than yesterday:
(1)
Anything I’m in the mood to do, no matter how wild and wonderful?
(1)
At least one habit, good or bad — yours or someone else’s:
(1)
One thing you like about yourself or think has potential:
(1)
One thing you like or appreciate about someone else:
(1)
Any resolutions kept or broken?
(1)
Do you feel better now than when you got up? Y/N
How do you rate today?
Which section(s) of this template seemed the most unnecessary today?:
(1)
Is this journal template helping me be more positive? Thoughts.
There’s a second mini-template I have… it was part of the original long template but I split it off as an optional addition. Later I dropped to listing just one item a day, because having to come up with five fresh items per question is too much night after night… especially when you’re tired and it’s 2 in the morning!
Daily Lists
Five things you’re grateful for:
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Five resolutions or personal suggestions (e.g. ‘go to bed earlier’):
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Five wishes (include goods, apps, books, music or things you’re unlikely to have):
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Five things you could imagine being part of a perfect day?
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Five creative ideas (e.g. likely haiku/blog/painting subjects, new hobbies, old hobbies…):
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Five things to do some time:
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Five things you’ve been forgetting about:
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
Experiment and change the templates to suit yourself, but never allow them to become a chore. Happiness and courage to my fellow diarists! Enjoy the sun where you find it, along with the rain.